Once again I am posting wonders from my yard. Lively pink, red bud blossoms are decorating the tree trunk from the bottom to the top. They are not on a limb, but looks as though they have been pasted to the tree’s large limbs that make up the trunk of the tree. This tree created a lot of attention last year, and now it is doing it again. So very unusual, but it is pretty. Wondering what to expect next year. I love the ever changing beauty God sends us from time to time. Whether above or below, something is always different. I have watered all day since there hasn’t been much wind to hinder the spray. Everything is growing fast. I even got to spray my fruit trees again for the last time this summer. I hope I have worm-free fruit. I have given it all I had to make sure I don’t have bad fruit.
Even with being busy most of the day I still had one of those days where I cried a lot. I can’t explain the feeling. It is just like I am laughing and crying almost at the same time. Sad thoughts from the past seemed to flood me today. I seemed to suddenly have regrets of the way I handled some things in the past. I guess you might call it blame on my part for the things that never got better, but did get worse. Somehow I can’t accept failure when it comes to any of my loved ones not having a happy life. Prayer and more prayer has not changed the terrible sorrow and suffering that some of my loved ones are still having. Only a miracle could possible change things, and after so long I feel that it will just never happen. I had resigned myself to accept things that I could not change, but days like today I tell myself that I failed to have enough faith or it would be different. I hurt so much when I think of all the hardships some of my loved ones are having. Yet I have done many physical things, as well as prayed for them, trying to get them past the disadvantage condition they were in. I have to be sure that something is missing from the mind of such ones that can never be fixed. That doesn’t make it any easier though. I will never stop asking God to help my loved ones, and even some friends, who are desperately unhappy. Some even to the point of, “kill me, I don’t care.” The love I have for these same people is killing me to have to think about it. Some days I am not able to turn it off my mind, but I always feel victory after I cry. I have to know and believe that God will not put more on us than we are able to bear. Those are His words. I pray I will never quit sharing the pain with those I love.
God Bless
Myrtle Jean Sharp
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