This past week has made another entry of death, and/or death-like events to my troubled heart. The past four or five months have been very difficult for me to maintain my powerful faith in God. I’m sure some of you have not heard all the trials I have had to go through, but just let me say God never once left me helpless. A son, which was being put in hospice care after a two month long treatment for his serious condition of a liver disease numbered along with other health issues, is now living a normal life. I stayed by his side almost constantly while the Lord chose to heal him for now. Its true that my son is still being treated for his health problems, but my stress has become so much less, and I have began to recover myself from several body aches and pains, including heart ache caused by rejection from precious loved ones who somehow could not understand my willingness to stay by my son’s side even though I was a heart patient myself. No one understands the love of a mother until they have been put to the test themselves. My recovering son is now helping me to recover, and endure another near death situation to a loved one so dear to me that I am having much trouble dealing with it. In fact I am dealing with two such precious ones who have stood beside me for many years, even while I had open heart surgery fifteen years ago. They were also my life-savior when I was taking my husband to a doctor almost three hundred miles from home. For eight years these two angels were by my side until after the funeral of my husband. Now I need to be with them, but I am almost unsure if that is something I should wisely do. If I cannot stand the horrible stress of seeing the serious problems of these two dear ones, then I should not tempt God. If I were younger, and in good health, I would already have been there, but as it is I am waiting on an answer from God.
Today was going to be the time when a risky, second surgery would happen to one of these loved ones. Last night I desperately asked god to direct my path. Then I awoke this morning at 5:00 to see the moon shining through my bedroom window blinds. A little later I began to hear a voice, which I started to argue with. “You are to stay at home as you have told me before that you were putting this in My hands. If you are trusting Me, then let Me take care of it the way I see best.” I had to tell myself that God would give me strength even though I would have to suffer the loss if something went wrong. It is so hard for me to trust God unless I can be there. I want to fight for the recovery of both loved ones. I must, just must, let go of my selfishness. If I am left with just one-halve of my present health, then I must accept that too. After all there is a time for all to leave this old mortal body and take on a new one.
God Bless
Myrtle Jean Sharp
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