"Hanging Onto Hope"

One of those days when my heart is aching for my loved one. He left me 5 1/2 years ago. Some days are so hard. 9-21-2018 Perryton, TX

 

It just happens and nothing can stop it. Some days it's like my world just ended, while other days are like it has just started. I don't understand how life can be so sad, when most all things one should be happy about are plentiful. I am to the place where I believe there is never any permanent joy after losing the mate you've lived with for 63 years. I have lots of good, and fun days, but then I have lots of very grievous, and painful days. I know this is normal, but I feel ashamed that I cannot be extra thankful for good health that God has given me every since I'm been alone. He has met every need in my life, even been there to comfort me when I feel like I've been attacked by old Satan himself. Mental pain can be as bad as physical pain, but it shouldn't be. I believe those days are when God is preparing us for special blessings. I will refuse to believe it's going to get worse. That is exactly what Satan wants us to believe. I've been on this earthly journey for 85½ years, and I will keep traveling on till God is ready for me. I will take the bad with the good just like Jesus did when He was on earth. If I had a choice I would choose to be taken up in a whirlwind like Elijah was, but I believe it's best to let God take me the way He wants to. My musings will help me wait it out.

We did have that 2 inches of rain last night, and I did go to the Center today for lunch with friends. How could I be sad after both of those wonderful blessings? I can't answer that. I just know I did get attacked today in a most hurtful way that made me want to talk to my husband. Not attacked by any friend, or even an enemy, but by the one who I, and my husband, have sacrificed most of our life for. There is a great problem with this person, and I could not love them more. Mental illness is real, and can be wicked when it festers. I share this feeling with several of my friends who have the sadness quite often like I have just mentioned. The difference is most mentally ill people are in such condition that they don't care what happens to them, but some of us have to deal with just the opposite. They are determined to control everyone who are trying with everything they have to work things out with them. They think mean words are the weapons they need to get their way. They would never harm anyone physically, but the evil, UN-thoughtful, words are much like sticks and stones. I just a couple of days ago tried to comfort a young man whose mentally disturbed mother was about to get the best of him. Little did I think that I was going to have to take the same treatment two days later. It don't happen often, but it will not get better before it gets worse. These people are so lovable, and kind, when their mind is working correctly, but when not, they are untolerable. Thank God He comes to the rescue very quickly, but the trouble still lingers, just less than tolerable. Pray for the millions, and millions, of mentally ill people.

God Bless

Myrtle Jean Sharp